A Bit More About Me.

My name is Jan, a feminine corruption of John, meaning ‘Gift of God’. Ironic that my mother should have chosen that name; I’m sure that at the time she was unaware of its meaning as she certainly didn’t treat me as such. I learned from an early age that my best strategy was to keep very still and quiet when she was around, so as not to invoke her anger.
I was often farmed out to relatives when I was very small and those were the best times. However, despite her many absences my mother had a great influence on my character.
I inherited my selfishness from her, but also learned resilience and rebelliousness in order to cope with her. Through her, I learned to assess the prevailing mood in any given circumstance and act accordingly, an attribute that has stood me in good stead all my life. Her volatility has come down to me but, unlike her, I have learned to hold my anger unless I can put it to good use. Her impatience is also mine and I, too, do not suffer fools gladly. However, my ability to be happy with my own company is a direct result of not being able to communicate with her at all.
Happily, her inverted snobbery and bigotry have completely passed me by. In fact, I think it was precisely because I was exposed to such behaviour at an early age that I formed my own opinions in direct opposition.
I did not like my mother when I was a child and, even with the benefit of hindsight, can see no reason to change my mind. However, it must be admitted that she had a lasting affect on me, mainly for the good, strangely. Growing up I was so desperate not to become like her that I actively squashed any tendencies to do so, and hope I am a better person because of it.