I AmThe Greatest Procrastinator in the World-bar none

A while ago I was asked to give a talk to my local Women's Institute three months in advance of the due date. Plenty of time to marshal the facts and type up notes you'd have thought. Not a bit of it; on the afternoon of the big day I couldn't put it off any longer so I sat down at the computer and this was the only result of my labours. The last verse was added after the event. God knows what I actually said for half an hour!

The Talk

"Oh no" I wail with heartfelt sigh,
I’ve got to talk to the WI
No wonder that I shake with fright
The date’s today. In fact tonight.

I haven’t written it all down,
I’ll look a fool, a very clown,
I’ll be laughed at, booed and hissed.
I wish I could get Brahms and Liszt.

When I was asked three months ago
I thought it would be fun and so
“Of course,” I said, “I’d be delighted.”
But now I feel my life is blighted.

I’ve made some notes after a fashion,
But what they’re looking for is passion
Not words read out as if by rote,
I know they’ll get stuck in my throat

Oh how I wish that I’d said no
I really do not want to go,
But it’s too late, I cannot stop it
I’ll have to go or else I’ll cop it.

* * *
And now it’s done, the applause was loud,
They really were a friendly crowd.
I don’t know why I got so vexed.
I wonder who will ask me next?

*** Not surprisingly, no one has!